24-10   Humor

 

A pastor was doing his children’s sermon with all the youngsters down front to hear the lesson. He was discussing the story of Jonah. He quoted the scriptures from Jonah 1 and 2: “And the Lord appointed a great fish to swallow up Jonah; and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights. Then Jonah prayed to the Lord his God from the belly of the fish, saying ‘I called to the Lord out of my distress and He answered me’ … and the Lord spoke to the fish, and it vomited out Jonah upon the dry land.”

When the pastor finished the quotation, he started trying to solicit input from the youngsters to help him complete his mini-sermon. He asked thoughtfully, “What does the fish vomiting Jonah out on dry land indicate to us today?”

One of the youngsters spoke with great enthusiasm for the entire congregation to hear, “It proves that even a fish can’t stomach a bad preacher!”

 

You know you’re a missionary kid (MK) when . . . 

~ You’re an expert on the quality of airline travel. 

~ You speak two languages but can’t spell either. 

~ You have a time zone map in your room. 

~ You have friends from or in 29 different countries. 

~ Your life story uses the phrase “Then we went to . . . ” five or more times. 

~ You never take anything for granted. 

~ Your family sends you peanut butter and Kool-Aid for Christmas. 

~ You watch National Geographic specials and recognize someone. 

~ You see a documentary set in a foreign country, and you know what the nationals are really saying into the camera. 

~ You realize what a small world it is, after all.

 

“Teacher,” announced little Joey, “there’s somethin’ I can’t figger out.” 

“What’s that Joey?” asked the Sunday school teacher. 

“Well accordin’ to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?” 

“Right.” 

“An’ the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?” 

“Er–right.” 

“An’ the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?” 

“Again, you’re right.” 

“An’ the Children of Israel fought the ‘gyptians, an’ the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an’ the Children of Israel wuz always doin’ somethin’ important, right?” 

“All that is right, too,” agreed the teacher. “So what’s your question?” 

“What I wanna know is,” demanded Joey, “what wuz all the grown-ups doin’?”

 

Golfer 1: “Why are you so late?” 

Golfer 2: “I prayed and told God ‘heads I go to church, tails I play golf.’ It took 25 tosses before God finally let me come.”

 

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. 

Looking up, he asks the Lord. “God, what does a million years mean to you?” 

The Lord replies, “A minute.” 

Smith asks, “And what does a million dollars mean to you?” 

The Lord replies, “A penny.” 

Smith asks, “Can I have a penny?” 

The Lord replies, “In a minute.”

 

When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). 

For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, “And all girls.” This soon became part of her nightly routine to include this closing. 

My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, “Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?” 

“Because everybody always finishes their prayers by saying ‘All Men’!”

 

You wouldn’t be worried about what people think of you if you knew how seldom they actually do.

 

 

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