“A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret.”

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During our church’s worship service, the pastor invites all the young children to join him near the altar for the children’s sermon.

One day, with several small children in attendance, he spoke about the ingredients required to make up a church, using a chocolate chip cookie as an example. He explained to the children that, as with a cookie requiring ingredients such as sugar and eggs, the church needed ingredients to make up the congregation.

Holding up a cookie, he asked, “If I took the chocolate chips out of this cookie, what would I have?”

A shy six-year-old raised his hand. “Six less grams of fat,” he replied.

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You Know You’re No Longer a Kid When . . .

~ Driving a car doesn’t always sound like fun.

~ You have friends who have kids.

~ Saturday mornings are for sleeping.

~ You are taller than the slide at the McDonald’s playland.

~ Your parents’ jokes are now funny.

~ Naps are good.

~ The only thing in your cereal box is…cereal.

~ You actually buy scarves, gloves and sunscreen.

~ Your idea of fun parties now includes chips ‘n’ salsa and Snapple.

~ You WANT clothes for Christmas.

~ You don’t want a Camaro because of the insurance premiums.

~ You look in the surveillance camera monitor at the convenience store, wonder who that guy is standing at the counter with the bald spot, and then realize it is a shot of you from behind.

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6. smilespicmara
“…and attach them to a mass e-mail to your friends, then tell them to forward it to all their… Oh wait, I’m getting way ahead of myself.”

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I had a power outage at my house this morning and my PC, laptop, DVD player, iPad and my new surround sound music system were all shut down.

Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat and to top it off, it was raining outside so I couldn’t go for a walk, bike or run. The garage door opener needs electricity so I couldn’t go anywhere in the car.

I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this also needed power, so I sat and talked with my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.

——-

6. smilespicmarb
Although convenient, having your desk near the coffee maker has some definite drawbacks.

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Something is seriously wrong with this country…
1. If plastic water bottles are okay, but plastic bags are banned.
2. If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for entering and remaining in the country illegally.
3. If you have to get your parents’ permission to go on a field trip or to take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion.
4. If you MUST show your identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book and rent a video, but not to vote for who runs the government.
5. If, in the nation’s largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not one 24-ounce soda, because 24 ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat.
6. If an 80-year-old woman who is confined to a wheelchair or a three-year-old girl can be strip-searched by the TSA at the airport, but a woman in a burka or a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched.
7. If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more.
8. If a seven-year-old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher is “cute” but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable.
9. If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government regulation and intrusion while not working is rewarded with Food Stamps, WIC checks, Medicaid benefits, subsidized housing, and free cell phones.
10. If you pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest electronic gadgets, while your neighbor buys iPhones, time shares, a wall-sized do-it-all plasma screen TV and new cars, and the government forgives his debt when he defaults on his mortgage.
11. If being stripped of your Constitutional right to defend yourself makes you more “safe” according to the government.

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6. smilespicmarc
The “Turtle Race Method” for selecting a book to study is a real crowd pleaser, despite minor flaws.

 

 

 

 

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