“The road to success is always under construction.”

——-

A minister tells of his first Sunday in a new parish and of presenting the children’s message. It seems the sanctuary in the new church had some magnificent stained glass windows, so his message centered on how each of us are called to help make up the whole picture of life (the family of God). Like the pictures in the windows, it takes many little panels of glass to make the whole picture.

And then he said, “You see each one of you is a little pane.”

And then pointing to each child, “You’re a little pane. And you’re a little pane. And you’re a little pane. And…”

It took a few moments before he realized why everyone was laughing so hard.

——-

Child at dinner table: “Are caterpillars good to eat?”

Parent: “No. Why would you ask a question like that?”

Child: “Well, there was one in your salad, but it’s gone now.”

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“Raptured!”

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A police officer radioed back to the station with the following report: “We have an unusual situation here.  An old lady just shot her husband for walking on the wet floor that she had just mopped.”

“Did you arrest her?”

“Not yet.  We decided to wait until the floor dries.”

——-

The Sunday school teacher asked her preschool class, “How many of you would like to go to Heaven?”

All the children raised their hands except Tommy. The teacher asked Tommy why he wouldn’t like to go to Heaven.

Tommy answered, “I’m sorry, but I can’t. My mother told me to come right home after Sunday school.”

——-

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Pastor Doobie quickly realized that cancelling the annual Sunday School picnic was not such a good idea.

——-

A priest was invited to attend a house party. Naturally, he was properly dressed and wearing his priest’s collar.

A little boy kept staring at him the entire evening. Finally, the priest asked the little boy what he was staring at. The little boy pointed to the priest’s neck.

When the priest finally realized what the boy was pointing at, he asked him, “Do you know why I am wearing that?”

The boy nodded his head yes, and replied, “It kills fleas and ticks for up to three months.”

——-

A grandfather walking past his young granddaughter’s room one night saw her

kneeling beside her bed, with head bowed and hands folded, repeating the alphabet.

“What are you doing?” he asked her.

She explained, “I’m saying my prayers, but I couldn’t think just what to pray for. So I’m just saying all the letters of the alphabet, and God can put them together however He thinks best.”

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“Who said pastoring a church is stressful? I’m 42 and feeling great!”

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