Therapy is expensive. Popping that bubble wrap stuff is cheap. You choose.

—–

Little Johnny opened his birthday gift from Gramma. It was a water pistol! He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.

His mother was not so pleased. She turned to Gramma and said, “I’m surprised at you, getting him a water pistol! Don’t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with those?”

Gramma just smiled: “Yes…I remember.”

—–

One evening just as the children were getting ready for bed Tim’s mother heard him screaming at the top of his lungs.

She quickly ran into his bedroom and found his two-year-old sister pulling his hair. She gently pulled his hair from the little girl’s grip and said comfortingly to Tim, “There, there. She didn’t mean it. She doesn’t understand that hurts.”

She was barely out of the room when the little girl screamed. Rushing back in, she said, “What happened?” Tim looked at his mom and said, “She knows now!”

—–

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For particularly unruly Sunday school classes, Sis. Brenda made sure to wear her fake eye-on-the-back-of-the-head.

—–

A doctor calls his patient and says, “The check you gave me for my bill came back.”

The patient replied, “So did my arthritis!”

—–

“Is there anything wrong?” asked the pastor of the young, well-dressed young man who sat staring gloomily at nothing.

“Two months ago my grandfather died and left me $100,000,” said the young man.

“I’m sorry about your grandfather’s passing, but that doesn’t sound like anything to be upset about,” said the pastor.

“Yeah,” said the sour young man, “but last month an uncle on my father’s side passed away. He left me $95,000.”

“So why are you sitting here looking so unhappy?”

“This month – so far – not a cent.”

—–

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“We got this coin donation funnel last year and we’ve already raked in enough dough to cover three AYC trips for the kids.”

—–

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph’s Hospital. She timidly asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?”

The operator said, “I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number of the patient?”

The grandmother, in her weak, tremulous voice, said, “Norma Findlay, Room 302.”

The operator replied, “Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse’s station for that room.”

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, “I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow.”

The grandmother said, “Thank you. That’s wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news.”

The operator replied, “You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?”

The grandmother said, “No, I’m Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me anything!”

—–

A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, “I’m running away from home!”

The father decided to look at the matter logically. “What if you get hungry?” he asked.

“Then I’ll come home and eat!” bravely declared the child.

“And what if you run out of money?”

“I will come home and get some!” readily replied the child.

The man then made a final attempt, “What if your clothes get dirty?”

“Then I’ll come home and let mommy wash them,” was the reply.

The man shook his head and exclaimed, “This kid is not running away from home; he’s going off to college.”

—–

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“After about 14 days of Elephant Therapy, Pastor Shoober, you should once again be able to quote your favorite Bible verses…”

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