Three gentlemen were all born the same year and decided to go to lunch together to celebrate turning 50. They decided to go out to the local German restaurant because the food was good.

The next time they celebrated turning 60 years old and decided to go to the local German restaurant because they had a great senior citizen discount.

The next time they celebrated turning 70 years old and decided to go to the local German restaurant because it was handicapped accessible.

The next time they celebrated turning 80 years old and decided to go to the local German restaurant because they had never been there before…

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A poultry farmer was experimenting to breed turkeys with more legs for

greater profits. Finally, he succeeded.

While narrating the results to his friends, he told them, “The turkey I bred

had six legs!”

His friends, who had gotten quite excited, eagerly asked, “What about the

taste?”

The farmer said with a long-drawn face, “I have no idea. Can’t catch it.”

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“The entire front row passed out last Sunday night, and they were NOT slain in the Spirit!”

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Witty Quotes About Elections

 

  1. The problem with political jokes is they get elected. —Henry Cate, VII
  2. I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. —Adlai Stevenson
  3. Why pay money to have your family tree traced? Go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. —Author Unknown
  4. George Washington is the only president who didn’t blame the previous administration for his troubles. —Author Unknown
  5. Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. —George Carlin
  6. There are always too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen, and never enough U.S. congressmen. —Author Unknown
  7. We stand today at a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other leads to total extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to make the right choice. — Author Unknown

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“Why do you always obsess about the one negative response?”

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Top Ten Signs You May Not Be Reading Your Bible Enough

1) The preacher announces the sermon is from Genesis . . . and you check the table of contents.

2) You think Abraham, Isaac and Jacob may have had a few hit songs during the ‘60s.

3) You open to the Gospel of Luke and a WWII Savings Bond falls out.

4) Your favorite Old Testament patriarch is Hercules.

5) A small family of woodchucks has taken up residence in the Psalms of your Bible.

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An outspoken atheist went on a tour of a local monastery during his vacation. At the end of the tour, he remarked sarcastically to the monk who had been his guide, “Imagine, if God doesn’t exist – and I believe He doesn’t – you will have wasted your whole life here in this place.”

The monk replied, “If I am wrong, I shall have wasted only 60 to 80 years. But if you are wrong, you will waste eternity.”

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~ With faith you can move mountains. With doubt you can create them.

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“Just don’t do it if you don’t want to. ‘Shake hands and greet your neighbor’ is only a suggestion.”

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