Word To The Wise:

“If absence makes the heart grow fonder, a lot of folks must love their churches.”

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A blind man sat on the steps of a public building with a hat by his feet. He had propped up a sign nearby which said, “I am blind, please help.”

There were only a few coins in the hat. A man walking by took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.

Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind man.

That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came by to see how things were doing. The blind man recognized his voice and asked, “Did you change my sign this morning? What did you write?”

The man said, “I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way.”

He had written, “Today is a beautiful day and I cannot see it.”

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Kids Say the Funniest Things

Melanie (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, “If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.”

 

Brittany (age 3) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: “How does it know it’s me?”

 

Susan (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. “Please don’t give me this juice again,” she said, “It makes my teeth cough.”

 

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: “How much do I cost?”

 

Tammy (age 5) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for awhile and then asked, “Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?”

 

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My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to sew.

After I had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, “Grammy, you mean you can do all that, but you can’t operate a cell phone?”

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A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office.

“Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition, because this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS.'”

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We took the kids to one of those restaurants where the walls are plastered with movie memorabilia. I went off to see the hostess about reserving a table. When I returned, I found my 10-year-old granddaughter Kaitlyn staring at a poster of Superman standing in a phone booth.

Kaitlyn looked puzzled. “She doesn’t know who Superman is?” I whispered to Jenny.

“Worse,” Jenny replied. “She doesn’t know what a phone booth is.”

 

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“If you’ll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart,” said Tracy, the newlywed bride, “breakfast will be ready.”

“Good, what are we having for breakfast?” said Dewey, the new husband.

“Toast and juice,” Tracy replied.

——

My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to sew.

After I had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, “Grammy, you mean you can do all that, but you can’t operate a cell phone?”

——

The new appliance was a real hit in the church nursery.

 

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