Word To The Wise:

“There is no revenge as complete as forgiveness.”

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One day in the Army, I was assigned KP (kitchen police) duty. I reported to the mess hall and was told by the sergeant in charge that he wanted me to make 100 gallons of soup for tonight’s dinner. I told him I didn’t know how to make soup. He quickly handed me a book and told me to follow the directions carefully.

Soon after I had a large kettle of soup simmering. The sergeant came up and tasted the soup. He took a second spoonful and stood there staring at me. I thought I had really messed up the soup and was waiting for a reprimand.

Instead the sergeant said, “This tastes really good . . . are you sure you followed the recipe?”

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Herman catches a lucky break. 

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RETIREE’S TRUISMS

 

How many days in a week?

6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

 

When is a retiree’s bedtime?

Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

 

How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it might take all day.

 

What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?

There is not enough time to get everything done.

 

Why don’t retirees mind being called seniors?

The term comes with a 15% discount.

 

Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?

Tied shoes.

 

Why do retirees count pennies?

They are the only ones who have the time.

 

What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?

NUTS!

 

Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?

They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

 

What do retirees call a long lunch?

Normal.

 

What is the best way to describe retirement?

Answers: The never-ending Coffee Break.

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Pastor Verner discovers that entering in excessive illustrations can bring negative consequences. 

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A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday.

“I’d love to be six again,” she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear — everything there was!

Five hours later, she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to McDonald’s they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie – including hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi, and M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure! Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

He leaned over and lovingly asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being six again?”

One eye opened. “You idiot, I meant my dress size!”

—–

Paul and Silas politely decline a record deal.

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