Word To The Wise:

“Thanksgiving is great because people tend to speak less when food is lodged in their mouths.”

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There was a truck driver who had to deliver 100 penguins to the state zoo. As he was driving through the desert, the truck broke down. He waved another truck down and offered the driver $500 to take these penguins to the state zoo for him.

The next day the first truck driver arrived in town and discovered the second truck driver crossing the road with 100 penguins walking in single file behind him!

He jumped out of his truck and said, “What’s going on? I gave you $500 to take these penguins to the zoo!”

The guy replied, “I did take them to the zoo. And I had money left over, so now we’re going to Sea World.”

—–

Daughter: “Dad, when will I be old enough to go on a date alone with a boy?”

Dad: “When you’re a year older than your brother.”

The daughter thought for a moment and replied: “But I’ll never be older than my brother; he was born first.”

Dad: “I guess there’s your answer. But don’t blame me, go talk to your brother.”

 

—–

“The problem is that I can’t tell the difference between spiritual wisdom, the voice of God, and one of my own bone-headed ideas.”

—–

Thanksgiving “Words of Wisdom”

 

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims

 

What happened when the turkey got into a fight?

He got the stuffing knocked out of him.

 

What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo?

A turkey that can pluck itself.

 

Why did they let the turkey join the band?

Because he had the drumsticks.

 

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?

“If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy.”

 

Why did the police arrest the turkey?

They suspected it of fowl play.

 

What sound does a space turkey make?

Hubble, Hubble, Hubble.

 

Why did the turkey cross the road?

It was the chicken’s day off.

 

What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?

More than enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.

 

What did the turkey say to the computer?

Google, google, google.

 

Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?

The turkey because he’s already stuffed.

 

What do you call a stuffed animal?

You after thanksgiving.

 

What holiday do they celebrate in prison?

Shanksgiving.

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—–

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather’s lap as he read her a bedtime

story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up

to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek,

then his again. Finally, she spoke up, “Grandpa, did God make you?”

“Yes, sweetheart,” he answered, “God made me a long time ago.”

“Oh,” she paused, “Grandpa, did God make me too?”

“Yes, indeed, honey,” he said. “God made you just a little while ago.”

Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, “God’s getting better at

it, isn’t he?”

—–

A man has to take up a sport at the advice of his doctor, so he decides to play tennis.

After a couple of weeks, his buddy asks him how he’s doing. “It’s going fine,”

the manager says. “When I’m on the court and I see the ball speeding toward

me, my brain immediately says: ‘To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash!

Go back!’”

“Really? What happens then?” his friend asks enthusiastically.

“Then my body says: ‘Who? Me? Don’t talk nonsense!’”

—–

See Matthew 17:20

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