During a heart-to-heart discussion, Dad asked, “Have you ever heard of hell?” Five-year-old Andy thought for a moment, then said, “No, but I’ve heard of heck!”

One pastor said that his church people would be the first to go up in the rapture. He gave this reason: “The Bible says: ‘The dead in Christ shall rise first.”‘

My 5-year old daughter was telling her aunt about Jesus. She had recently learned that our “souls” go to heaven when we die. She explained that when you die not all of your body goes to heaven, just your feet (souls).

“Do cows and bees go to heaven?” very young Mirielle asked. Of course mother said “no.” “Then,” reasoned the child, “all that milk and honey the preacher said was up there, must be canned stuff.”

Four-year-old Suzette came to church early with her parents who had a duty there. Suzy wandered around and soon approached an assistant pastor. “Where is the coke machine?” she demanded.,

“Oh, I’m afraid our church has no coke machine,” said he.

“Then where is the candy machine?” Suzy continued.

“Candy machine?” the preacher was astonished anew. “We don’t have a candy machine, either.” “Well for heaven’s sake, then,” Suzy was exasperated, “why did my mother give me this dollar?”

 

Two girls were walking home from Sunday School discussing a particular Bible passage. It was concerning the King James Version rendering of the words that Jesus healed the sick “of divers diseases.” “I don’t understand that part. What are ‘divers diseases’? asked the younger girl. Replied the more learned sister. “What do you care? You can’t even swim!”

 

Two pastors were known for their contrasting outlooks on life. One was an eternal optimist while the other lived out the role of the ever negative pessimist. The optimist set out to get a positive response from his pastor friend by taking the off season to train his hunting dog to retrieve the fallen ducks by walking on the water. His dog didn’t just swim out to get the ducks, he literally walked on the water.

When opening day arrived the optimistic pastor couldn’t wait to show off his dog. Soon enough he got his chance as he shot down the first duck that flew over. Confident that his dog would generate a positive remark from his pessimistic friend, he sent his dog after the duck. Just like he had been trained, the dog walked out on the water and brought back the duck. He beamed with pride at his negative pal only to hear him say, “Got a dog who can’t swim, huh?”

 

A little girl sitting in church with her father suddenly felt ill. “Daddy,” she whispered, “I have to vomit!” Her father told her to hurry to the restroom. In less than two minutes the child was back. “I didn’t have to go too far.” she exclaimed. “There’s a little box by the door that says, ‘For the sick.”‘

 

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