Child at dinner table: “Are caterpillars good to eat?”
Parent: “No. Why would you ask a question like that?”
Child: “Well, there was one in your salad, but it’s gone now.”
Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks.
Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, “There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You’ll have to get rid of that coffee.”
The officer said meekly, “Sure, but why?”
“Because a coffee spill could short out the computer.”
A small town had three churches — and all three were virtually overrun with pesky squirrels.
The first church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that God must have wanted the squirrels there, and the church shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.
The second church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creations, so they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
The third church came up with the best and most effective solution: they baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
The Theological Seminary’s dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student.
“Why have you chosen a career in ministry?” he asked.
“I dream of having a great church with five thousand members, like my father,” the student replied.
“Your father pastored a church with five thousand members?” echoed the dean, much impressed.
“No,” replied the applicant. “But he always dreamed of it.”
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his grandmother’s house.
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
“Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer,” said his mother.
“I don’t need to,” the boy replied.
“Of course, you do,” his mother insisted. “We always say a prayer before eating at our house.”
“That’s at our house.” Johnny explained. “But this is Grandma’s house, and she knows how to cook.”
A guy goes ice fishing. He finds a good spot on the lake, near some other ice fishermen (to be sociable) but not close enough to be annoying. He sets up his gear, cuts a hole in the ice, and drops his line into the water.
After a few hours he hasn’t gotten a single bite, yet he notices that a kid nearby has caught dozens of fish. He walks over to the kid and asks: “Hey, what’s your secret?”
The kid says: “Mmu motta meep ba mmrms mmrm.”
The guy asks: “What did you say?”
The kid answers: “Mmu motta meep ba mmrms mmrm.”
The guy again asks: “What?!”
The kid spits into his hand and says, “You gotta keep the worms warm!”