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Smiles – April 2016

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The Top Ten Ways the Bible Would Have Been Different If It Had Been Written By College Students

  1. The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning…cold.
  2. The Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font.
  3. New edition every two years in order to limit reselling.
  4. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn’t cafeteria food.
  5. Paul’s letter to the Romans becomes Paul’s email to
  6. Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
  7. The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.
  8. Out go the mules, in come the mountain bikes.
  9. Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: They didn’t want to ask directions and look like freshmen.
  10. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.


A pastor was crossing the road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will do all your house work.”

The pastor took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll do all your housework and cook your meals.”

Again the pastor took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll clean your house and cook all your meals. Why won’t you kiss me?”

The pastor said, “Look, I already have a wife, but a talking frog, now that’s cool!”


6. smilespicapr a
“If you’re going to erase my memory, could you include the sermon i preached last night? It was a real stinker.”


In Budapest, a man goes to the pastor and complains, “Life is unbearable. There are nine of us living in one room. What can I do?”

The pastor answers, “Take your goat into the room with you.”

The man is incredulous but the pastor insists, “Do as I say and come back in a week.”

A week later the man comes back looking more distraught than before. “We cannot stand it,” he tells the pastor. “The goat is filthy.”

The pastor then tells him, “Go home and let the goat out. And come back in a week.”

A radiant man returns to the pastor a week later, exclaiming, “Life is beautiful. We enjoy every minute of it now that there’s no goat– only the nine of us.”


After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another.

The Methodist minister said, “The revival worked out great for us! We gained four new families.”

The Baptist preacher said, “We did better than that! We gained six new families.”

The Presbyterian pastor said, “Well, we did even better than that, We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!”


6. smilespicapr b
“Pastor, is liking myself on Facebook a sin?”


At a church meeting, a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith.

“I’m a millionaire,” he said, “and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God’s work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give every penny I had to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today.”

He finished and there was an awed silence at his testimony as he moved toward his seat. As he sat down a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over to him and whispered, “I dare you to do it again.”


6. smilespicapr c
“Did you hear about that awful tidal wave that the missionary told about Sunday morning? I am sooo thankful we live in America where things like that don’t happen!”

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