Christmas was finally over and the pastor’s wife dropped into an easy chair saying, “Boy, am I ever tired.”
Her husband looked over at her and said, “I had to conduct two special services last night and three today, and I gave a total of five sermons. Why are YOU so tired?”
“Dear,” she replied, “I had to listen to all of them.”
One Sunday morning at a small southern church, the new pastor called on one of his older deacons to lead in the opening prayer.
The deacon stood up, bowed his head and said, “Lord, I hate buttermilk.”
The pastor opened one eye and wondered where this was going.
The deacon continued, “Lord, I hate lard.”
Now the pastor was totally perplexed.
The deacon continued, “Lord, I ain’t too crazy about plain flour. But after you mix ’em all together and bake ’em in a hot oven, I just love biscuits.”
He paused, “Lord help us to realize when life gets hard, when things come up that we don’t like, whenever we don’t understand what You are doing, that we need to wait and see what You are making. After You get through mixing and baking, it’ll probably be something even better than biscuits. Amen.”
Kids Say the Funniest Things
- My three-year-old daughter exclaimed very loudly at a funeral, during the moment of silence, “WHAT’S IN THE BOX?”
- When my daughter was in kindergarten, her school celebrated Drug Free week with a parade, local celebrity speakers, a rally and drug awareness activities throughout the week. When I picked her up from school after the parade, I asked her what she learned about drugs that day. Her response made me laugh out loud. She said, “Drugs are free at my school!”
- After a worship service a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, “If you don’t be quiet, Pastor is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!”
- At a wedding I recently attended, the priest called for a moment of silence to remember the faithful dead . . . As the church grew quiet, a little boy sitting in front of me turned to his father and said excitedly, “Dad, you have some of their albums!”
“Is there anything wrong?” asked the pastor of the well-dressed young man who sat staring gloomily at nothing.
“Two months ago my grandfather died and left me $100,000,” said the man.
“I’m sorry about your grandfather’s passing, but that doesn’t sound like anything to be upset about,” said the pastor.
“Yeah,” said the sour young man, “but last month an uncle on my father’s side passed away. He left me $95,000.”
“So why are you sitting here looking so unhappy?”
“This month – so far – not a cent.”