Word to the Wise

“He who is grateful is never truly poor, and he who isn’t grateful is never truly rich.”

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The story is told that a 75-year-old lady was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, a friend came to visit.

“May I see the new baby?” the friend asked.

“Not yet,” the mother said. “I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.”

Thirty minutes had passed, and the friend asked, “May I see the new baby now?”

“No, not yet,” the mother said said.
After another few minutes had elapsed, she asked again, “May I see the baby now?”

“No, not yet,” the mother again replied.

Growing very impatient, the friend asked, “Well, when can I see the baby?”

“WHEN HE CRIES!” she retorted.

“When he cries?? Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?”

“Because I forgot where I put him, ok?”

—–

“You’ve been church-hopping again.”

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The Sunday school teacher asked her preschool class, “How many of you would like to go to Heaven?”

All the children raised their hands except Tommy. The teacher asked Tommy why he wouldn’t like to go to Heaven.

Tommy answered, “I’m sorry, but I can’t. My mother told me to come right home after Sunday school.”

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A man opened an outdoor stall to sell bagels and put up a sign, “50 cents each.” A jogger ran past and put 50 cents into the bucket but didn’t take a bagel. The next day, he did the same thing. For weeks and then months, this went on.

One day, as he jogged past, the owner joined step with him. The jogger laughed and said, “I know why you’re here. You want to know why I always put money in the bucket and never take a bagel.”

“No,” said the owner, “not that. I just want to tell you that the bagels have gone up to 60 cents.”

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“Is the coast clear?”

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A Scotsman, planning a trip to the Holy Land, was aghast when he found it would cost $100 an hour to rent a boat on the Sea of Galilee.

“Wow!” he said, “In Scotland it would not cost more than $20.”

“That might be true,” said the travel agent, “but you have to take into account that the Sea of Galilee is water on which our Lord Himself walked.”

“Well, at $100 an hour for a boat,” said the Scotsman, “it’s no wonder He walked.”

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The rain fell, the water rose, and folks in the town scrambled up onto their rooftops to safety. They hollered across the flood to one another, made sure everybody was accounted for, and excitedly identified things that floated by:

“There goes Jack’s tool shed!”

“Isn’t that Betsy’s front porch swing?”

“Wow, the Preacher’s whole garage!”

Then somebody noticed a little straw hat behaving oddly. It floated downstream about 60 feet, then stopped and came back upstream. After 60 feet or so it floated back downstream, then stopped and came upstream again. Nobody could figure it out!

Finally little Billy piped up: “Bet that’s Grandad. He said he was gonna mow the church lawn, come heaven or high water!”

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When pastors dream…

 

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