There are three areas of interpersonal needs common to all. The KJV uses the words mind, will, and emotions to identify these three areas while the National Christian Counselor’s Association uses the words inclusion, control, and affection.
These three areas govern our behavior and determine how we consider the past, live in the present, and approach the future. To be concise, inclusion determines who is in or out of the relationship; control determines who maintains the power and makes decisions for the relationship, and affection determines how emotionally close or distant the relationship is.
Each of these areas has two needs associated with them:
• Inclusion need #1 is the need to establish and maintain satisfactory surface relationships.
• Inclusion need #2 is our desire for wanting people to approach us for association and socialization.
• Control need #1 is the need to establish and maintain a satisfactory relationship with people regarding control and power.
• Control need #2 is the need within the temperament measured between wanting no one to control our behavior to wanting everyone to take control of our behavior.
• Affection need #1 is the need to establish and maintain a relationship with others in areas of love and affection.
• Affection need #2 is the need within the temperament, which is measured by whether one wants love and affection from everyone they meet or from very few.
Why is knowing this important? These needs have unique functions in our relationships. It is beneficial to understand the actual level of our needs in these areas as this greatly affects how we relate to each other. David said, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made…” (Psalm 139:14).
We are complicated creations. There is nothing simple about us. However, we are not complicated to the Creator. He understands us. The more we understand ourselves and those around us, the more effective we will be in the Kingdom.
I am happy to come to your church and teach on temperament, marriage, family, relationships, etc. You may refer people to me that will benefit from Apostolic counseling. Call me at 503-481-2934 (pst).