Words to the Wise:

“Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he’ll have to touch it to be sure”

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Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only one letter in it?
A: Envelope.
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What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth? Answer: He was Ruthless

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“I think I need to put the elephants on a diet”

 

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RULES TO ENTER KANSAS- Pt 2
Applies to each person as they enter Kansas.
Learn & remember: East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!

10. No, there’s no “vegetarian special” on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

12. You bring “coke” into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring “Mary Jane” into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, have long hair and a dress.

13. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a whole lot more fun to watch.

14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water hazards – it spooks the fish.

15. Colleges? Try K-State or KU or abunch a’ others. They come outa there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.

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“Next time when I preach on tithing don’t sing ‘Jesus Paid It All’ as our invitational hymn'”

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An old geezer who was a retired farmer for a long time became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put up a sign outside that said: “Dr. Geezer’s Clinic. Get your treatment for $500, and if not cured, get back $1,000!”
Doctor Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he visited Dr. Geezer’s clinic.
Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I’ve lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?”
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Dr. Young: “Aaagh !! — This is gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr. Young: “I’ve lost my memory, I can’t remember anything.”
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Dr. Young: “Oh, no you don’t, that’s gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back! That will be $500.”
Dr. Young (after losing $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see anything!”
Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so here’s your $1000 back,” and handed him a $10 bill.
Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”

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“Faith Excavating. Faith speaking.”

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