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Smiles – December 2019

Words to the Wise:

“avoid popularity if you would have peace.” – Abraham Lincoln


Brat – a child who acts like yours , but belongs to the neighbor


Did you know there are three kinds of memory…good, bad, and convenient?


“My wife gave me a smart watch for Christmas. It knows when I’m sleeping, and it knows when I’m awake. It knows when I’ve been bad or good…”




Question: How many days in a week?

Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree’s bedtime?

Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch

Question: What the biggest gripe of retirees?

Answere: There is not enough time to get everything done

Question: Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors?

Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?

Answer: NUTS!!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic, or garage?

Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there



“That’s not a missionary is it? You know we’re not supposed to stomp missionaries…”


First man: I hear the First National Bank is looking for a new teller.

Second man:  thought they just hired a new teller last week>

First man: Right. That’s the one they’re looking for.


My boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. Later that morning he went out and got a small sign that read, “I’m the Boss”. He then taped it to his office door

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone has taped a note to the sign that said: “your wife called, she wants you to bring her sign back”




“At least we can say that He was brought up in a stable home.”


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