Word to the Wise: “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Noah opens up the ark and let all the animals out, telling them to “Go forth and multiply!”
He’s closing the great doors of the ark when he notices that there are two snakes sitting in a dark corner
So he says to them, “Didn’t you hear me? You can go now. Go forth and multiply”
“We can’t,” said the snakes. “We’re adders”
“I love this church, I’d do practically anything for it – I mean, anything other than attending faithfully, paying tithes, ministry involvement, and such.”
ON a recent flight, an airhead passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all passengers could see was the blinking wing-tip light and rang for the flight attendant.
“I’m sorry to bother you, but I think you should inform the pilot that his left turn indicator is on and has been for some time”
Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbled across a monastery and requests shelter there.
Fortunately, she was just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she has ever had.
After dinner, she went into the kitchen to thank the chefs. She was met by two of the Brothers.
The first one says, “Hello, I am brother Michael, and this is Brother Charles.’
‘I’m very pleased to meet you,” replies the nun. ‘’I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I ever had. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?”
Brother Charles replied, “Well, I’m the fish fryer”
She turned to the other brother and says, “then you must be…?”
“Yes, I’m afraid I’m the chip monk.”
Where Apostolic Pentecostals often gather after church.
On the way to preschool, a doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.
Be still, my heart, thought the doctor, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps and be a doctor!
Then the child spoke into the instrument: “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order?”
Cop: You know how fast you were going?
Guy: Sorry officer, I was just trying to catch up with traffic.
Cop: What traffic? The road is empty.
Guy: Yeah, that’s how far behind I am.
“You could have gone to church but chose instead to sit at home and watch it on TV. So now you get to sit on a cloud and eternally watch Heaven on a tiny screen”