Word To The Wise: If your troubles are deep-seated and long-standing, try kneeling.
“There you go, Pastor. The Youth have now
officially started the 7-Day Prayer & Fasting Lock-in”
Thankfully Noah ignored
prejudiced and spiteful
animal rivalry
Having found the Bag-Head Tribe,
Dave and Earl do what must be done
to bring them the Gospel. 1 Cor. 9:23
—
A teacher asked the children in her Sunday school class, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to church, would I get to heaven?”
“NO!” the children all answered.
“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the lawn, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get to go to heaven?”
Again the answer was “NO!”
“Well,” she continued, “then how can I get to heaven?”
In the back of the room, a five-year-old boy shouted, “You gotta be dead.”
—
Our Church Will Be Perfect When We Hear:
1. “Hey! It’s my turn to sit in the front pew.”
2. “I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went twenty-five minutes overtime.”
3. “Personally, I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.”
4. “I dearly want to be a teacher in the Junior High Sunday School class.”
5. “Forget the denominational minimum salary; let’s pay our pastor so he can live like we do.”
6. “I love it when we sing hymns I’ve never heard before.”
7. “Since we’re all here, let’s start the service early.”
8. “Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign.”
9. “Pastor, we’d like to send you to this continuing education seminar in the Bahamas.”
10. “I’ve decided to give our church the five hundred dollars a month I used to send to TV evangelists.”
—